Fight
by SharpObjects82
Summary: Fighting, flashbacks, comfort and love. *Trigger warning, sexual assult*


This fight again. This constant battle with him. Open up, talk to me Liv. I'm trying Bri I really am I swear it but when I open my mouth to speak the words all disappear. I have them in my head but getting them to come out is impossible. I wish I could tell you everything but I freeze. Just like I did that night. I lock up. I freeze. I can't think, can't speak. I just freeze.

"Liv?" you ask me. I can hear the concern in your voice. But it's too late, the flash back has me. Suddenly I'm against a wall, my coat is being ripped from my body. My head forced against the wall. His fist painfully gripping my hair. His erection against my ass. His hot breath against my neck as he's hissing disgusting things in my ear about what he's going to do to me, to my body. I'm fighting the panic, the fear, the bile rising in my throat. The cold sweat all over my body. He's grinding against me. His hands are under my shirt, in my bra. Moving everywhere. There isn't a place he hasn't touched and it's only been 20 mins since he started. His hands are on my belt. In my pants, in me.

I feel someone grab my shoulder and I scream. I'm brought rapidly back to my kitchen with Brian. It's his hand on my shoulder. I'm shaking, tears streaming down my face. I'm pulled so quickly from my flash back I'm dizzy. I start swaying, I'm going to pass out. Suddenly Brian is gathering me up. We sink to the floor together. I'm wrapped in his arms, sitting between his legs on the cool tile floor. My head sinks back against his shoulder and he buries his face in my neck whispering to me that I'm safe, I'm okay. He's with me, Lewis isn't. I'm safe. I'm safe. Sobs rack my body. I can't hold them in. The flash back was to vivid and too real. I can feel Lewis all over me. In me. His mouth is everywhere. His hands, fingers, tongue. I can't I just can't it's too much. Brian wraps his arms around me tighter. It's the only thing keeping me together. I feel like every atom of my body is splitting and my literally coming apart at the seams. I'm floating in space. I'm not real. I'm collapsing. I'm breaking. I'm shattered

I have no idea how long we sat on the floor. My body is numb. I'm sure his is too but he hasn't moved. Hasn't let me go. He's holding me so tightly I can't help but feel grounded. He's pulled me back which I didn't think would ever happen with Brian. Another panic takes over. He's going to want to talk. He's going to want to know the details of what just happened and I can't. He can never know….he'll never be able to look at me the same again if he knew.

"Liv, babe, talk to me" he whispers in my hair, kissing the side of my head. I started shaking again. Hecantknowhecantknowhecantknowhecantknow! HE CAN NEVER KNOW! My brain is screaming, that voice in my head is brutal. He lets go of me and tries to turn me toward him. I scramble away from him on hands and knees. Not my finest moment but I had to get away. I hear him call my name but I keep going. I feel a hand around my ankle and it pulls me backwards. I hit my stomach hard and I'm right back there again. He's pulling my hands behind me squeezing my wrists to the point the bones are screaming. I feel the cold metal of my own cuffs on my flesh. Nononononononononononono! As soon as his hands are free and mine are restrained he's in my hair again. One hand painfully grasps a handful and wrenches my head back giving him access to my neck. He's licking, sucking and biting my skin. I can smell him as he envelops me, threatening to swallow me whole. Our scents mingle. Sweat, saliva, blood, become one. His other hand is in my bra and he's grasping, pulling, pinching and digging. I can feel my skin give way to his nails and blood well to the surface.

A scream, so pure, so terror filled tears itself from my throat. It was the wrong thing to do. His hand leaves my hair and painfully grabs my face, palm over my mouth. He hisses his venom in my ear at my outcry. He flattens down on me, squashing me beneath his weight. I can't take a breath his body restricting my ability to take in air. "That was stupid Olivia." He bites. Spit flies from his lips and lands on the floor next to my head. I whimper, I fucking whimper. Never in my life have I whimpered like some weak, pathetic person. He grinds against my ass and I can feel his erection. He's enjoying the sound. God-fucking-damn-it. Pull it together Olivia. His body suddenly leaves mine and I can breathe again. Deep gasping breaths. He's pulling me up to my feet and dragging me to a dining room chair. Duct tape covers my mouth, wraps around each arm attaching me to the chair around my elbows. He attaches my legs to the legs of the chair. I'm nice and trapped now.

He burns me with his cigarettes over and over again. Quickly, he gets bored and removes me from the chair. He pulls me into the kitchen and shoves me against my fridge. He takes my wrists and cuffs me to the fridge door handles. He's pulling my jeans off. NO! Fuck no, please no! I can hear him laughing as I tremble in fear. He's going to rape me. This is it. This is fucking it! I move my head away from him and I can feel him breathing hot against my neck as his hands touch every part of my body. He's gone. My legs are clenched together tightly. They feel like jello. I hear the pan hit the stove and I know what's coming. If I keep my eyes closed it won't matter. It won't happen. I can smell metal heating. He grabs my face and kisses me hard. I can't help the moan from pain and disgust. He pulls away and grabs my panties and rips them from my body. I scream. It pisses him off and he back hands me hard. Suddenly there is blinding pain on my leg. My vision goes white and I'm screaming. I can smell my flesh burning. I hear the hanger hit the ground. My sweaty and shaking and I swear I'm going to hurl. He grabs a knife out of my kitchen. He cuts and nicks my skin. Cuts my clothes. Bored with that he grabs vodka and shoves it down my throat till I'm choking and spitting. The cold liquid burns down my throat. He's laughing at my suffering. He dumps the rest of the bottle on my head. I'm freezing and wet. I'm coughing, gasping.

I can hear Brian's voice calling my name, telling me it's okay. I'm okay. I'm in the shower, ice cold water hitting my face, my body. I'm soaked, my clothes sticking to me like a second skin. "Liv, baby?" He questions, his voice sounds lost, broken. I did that. I made him sound like that. This is all my fault. He grabs me by my biceps and pulls me up out of the shower. He wraps a large towel around me. My body is shaking, my teeth chattering so hard I'm afraid they are going to crack. He's rubbing his hands up and down my arms trying to warm me up. I'll never be warm again Brian. My soul is frozen. I'm stuck with him. I'm trapped. With him.

"Come on Liv let's get you out of those wet clothes and warmed up." He pulled me into the bedroom. I was too cold to resist. To lost to care. I felt the towel fall away from my shoulders. He's pulling my shirt up and over my head. I start shaking for a different reason now. Fear. Pure fear. I start shaking my head. I'm trying to find my voice but my vocal cords are locked I can't make them work. In my head though I'm screaming. I feel the button of my jeans pop and the sound of the teeth of the zipper separating. Please no. Please no! Please NOOOOOO! Why can't I move? Why can't I protest? Why can't I scream, fight, run? Anything? My jeans are wet and they are hard to pull off but the person manages. I don't know who it is I can't see my vision is dark, the room is dark I'm so lost and confused. There are warm hands on my back I feel the tug of my band of my bra. The tension of the band is released and I can feel it being slid down my arms. I'm left standing in my soaked panties. My arms suddenly remember how to move and I pull them to my chest. Covering my exposed breasts. I feel the rough fingers at my panty line and all the muscles in my body come to life. I swing out and catch whoever is here in the jaw. I hear him yell but he's away from me and that's all I care about. I have to move. Have to run. I take off toward the door. I don't care that I'm almost completely naked I have to leave the apartment. A hand grabs my right arm and pulls me backwards. I can hear his voice but I can't make out the words. I start struggling. Suddenly HE is there. Lewis is pulling me toward him. His fingers digging painfully into my bicep. Let me go! NOO! LET ME GO! I am screaming! My voice is working again. I'm slammed against the wall. Hands on both my arms. Digging in. Bruising force. Please stop. I can't. Not again. Not again! I hear another voice. I look to the left and I see Lowell Harris. He's staring at me. Eyes running over my exposed breasts and body. Please no. How? How is he here with HIM? I have to fight. I can't, not with them both. Lewis is bad enough but with Harris. Both of them, tag teaming me? I'm going to die!

I struggle, kick, scream, bite, punch.

"FUCK! LIV STOP!" Brian? Why was he here? Why isn't he helping? Is he hurt? No, my vision was swimming in and out of focus. His face was suddenly there, vivid and in front of me. His nose was bloody. I must of hit him. My hand did hurt. He pushed me against the wall again, hands digging painfully into my wrists as he pinned them over my head.

"What the fuck was that Liv? Damnit! I think you broke my fuckin nose." He was yelling in my face. Like this was my fucking fault. I mean, I guess I did hit him but I didn't know it was him. It was Lewis. Oh shit, and Harris. They were jumbling in my mind. The basement had Lewis, the beach house had Harris. Tears were streaming down my face and I wasn't going to do shit to stop them. I felt raw. My eyes were burning. My face was numb. My arms, ankle, wrists, were throbbing. My upper back hurt from the force Brian had used to shove me into the wall. Oh and I was cold. So, very cold. I was naked. I had my panties on still but the rest of me was exposed. Brian eyes left my face and moved down my body. He could see the scars, the burns. He hadn't seen me naked since the attack 6 months ago. The ones on my breasts, stomach, thighs. The keys, the hanger, the cigarettes. I whimpered as I tried to pull my wrists from Brian's hands.

"Pl..plea..se Bri….please let go" I was shaking and couldn't help the stutter in my voice. His eyes finally made their way back to mine and he instantly released my wrists and backed away from me. I slid down to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest. Wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my head. I was sobbing. I couldn't stop it. I was so exhausted I couldn't stop myself like I normally would. I heard his footsteps as he left the room. I couldn't make myself move. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. I wanted disappear. Instead I sat there and cried. Brian walked back into the room only a few moments later. I finally looked at him and he had a bottle of brown liquor in his hand. I started shaking harder and I didn't even think that was possible. He was standing in front of me, bottle in hand, while I was naked curled in a ball on the floor. I could feel myself teetering on the edge

of another flashback. This was too much. I'd never had this many in a row. I couldn't take this!

Brian knelt down in front of me and extended his hand. With the other he raised the bottle to his lips and took a healthy pull. After he lowered the bottle and said my name. I could smell the whiskey on his breath and I wanted to vomit.

"Come on Liv, let's get you in bed" That was the final fucking straw. I shoved him backwards as hard as I could and ran. I grabbed my phone off my dresser and ran to the bathroom. He hit the door at the same time I almost had it closed but I held my ground. I started screaming at him to get out. Leave me. Get out! I managed to close the door and lock it. My fingers typing quickly on my phone, not even sure who I was texting. He hit the door with his fist and I jumped dropping the phone and shoving myself as far back and into the smallest corner possible.

"Fine! You wanna play it this way! Fine! I'm outta here!" I heard him yell and then silence blissful silence.

Twenty minutes later Amanda Rollins was standing at the same door that Brian had just walked out of. She was trying not to panic but the "Help me" text from Olivia she had received was making it hard not too. She was knocking and calling Liv's name but she wasn't getting a response and that wasn't helping anything either. She heard heavy footsteps behind her and she turned. Elliot was walking down the hallway. The look of panic on his face was all Amanda needed to start banging harder on the door.

"She's not answering." Amanda said nervousness lacing her southern drawl. Elliot pulled his keys out muttering screw it under his breath. He opened the door and started yelling her name. Him and Amanda rushed around searching everywhere. They both came to the bathroom door at the same time.

"Liv?" Amanda questioned "honey are you in there?" She said as she tried the door handle. It was unlocked and she slowly opened the door, concerned about what she would find on the other side. Elliot was right behind her just as concerned.

What they saw in front of them was a practically naked Olivia curled on the floor. She had her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was shaking and they weren't sure if it was cold or anxiety or they could see was that she had finger shaped bruises on her wrists, one on her ankle. They both saw red. She was naked and bruised and that meant Brian did something.

Amanda knelt down in front of her calling her name gently, worried she would startle the poor woman. Olivia was one of the strongest people she knew and to see her like this meant nothing good. After a few moments she lifted her head and met Amanda's eyes.

Almost instantly I launched myself into Amanda wrapping myself tightly around the smaller woman. I couldn't breathe or talk or anything I was just holding Amanda tightly like she was a lifeline. Elliot knelt behind Amanda and I met his eyes. I instantly reached out with one hand and gripped his. I have no idea how long it was before I let go of both of them. Elliot got up and grabbed a blanket from my bed. He noticed the dark stain on the carpet and could smell the whiskey. Damn it Brian what the hell did you do to her.

Back in the bathroom he laid the blanket around me and wrapped me up tightly. He bent down and picked me up. I moaned my protest but it was quite, defeated. Carrying me into the bedroom he sat me down on the bed and sat next to me. I turned toward him and buried my face in his neck taking in deep breaths of his scent. It was calming. He was a safe place. He was my safe place. I was going to be okay. Brian was gone. Lewis was gone. I was safe. I was exhausted. This was more than I've stayed up for 3 days on a case tired. This was my brain hurt, my heart hurt, by body hurt, exhausted. Lifting my head slightly I started pulling at Elliot's shirt. I needed skin. I needed warmth. I needed a caring touch against my flesh. There had been too much pain, hurt, abuse against my body. I needed love, tenderness, warmth.

"Liv?" He whispered, gently taking my fingers in his hand. I looked up at him and all I could get out was please.

He kissed my fingers before releasing them and let me pull his shirt overhead. As soon as his chest was bare and buried myself in him. It wasn't enough I needed more. I reached down to belt buckle and started pulling at it. He softly took my hands again and kissed my forehead. He stood and undressed himself. When he got to his boxers he looked at me and the look on my face must of told him what he needed to know. He stripped them off as well and sat back on the bed. He barely got settled before I was on him again. He was warm, he was solid. He was the protection I needed. He moved us down and reached for the covers. I was falling asleep in his arms. At this point I was practically on top of him.

I felt exposed all the sudden and felt panic overwhelm me. "Amanda...need Amanda" I muttered into Elliot's neck. She was cleaning up the apparent mess that my apartment had become. "Okay, babe okay." he said quietly kissing the top of my head. He started running his hand through my hair and it was lulling me to sleep. I still needed her. I still felt exposed. I heard Elliot call her name out and a few minutes later she was behind me. I felt fabric and unwilling to move to tell her what I needed and moaned into El's neck.

"Amanda, skin, she needs skin." This wasn't the first time we had been here. I had a few rough nights since my time with Lewis. Each of them had been here with me, holding me after a flashback or panic attack. Brian had been gone more than home. He claimed he was undercover but I stopped caring at this point. I needed his support and all we did was fight and yell. I wanted him to come home tonight and see the three of us naked in our bed. I'm over this, over him.

I realized I still had my damp panties on and I needed them off. They were uncomfortable and felt like a wet bathing suit. I started trying to pull them off with one hand but wasn't successful. I felt Amand's small and delicate fingers on my skin and broke out in goosebumps. She removed my panties and left the bed for a moment. I assumed to place them in my laundry, which I appreciated. I didn't need a wet spot on the floor. She crawled under the covers behind me. Her bare breasts pressed tightly against my back. Her left arm wrapped around my side, her hand landing on my stomach, smashed between my body and El's. I wedged my left leg in between his. Amanda followed suit with her left leg tucked into mine. She buried her face into my neck and shoulder placing a light kiss there. Wrapped between the two of them I finally felt safe for the first time in hours. I didn't have to worry about every little noise tonight. I didn't have to panic that the darkness would swallow me whole. I didn't have to be alone if and when the nightmares came. I was safe. I was protected but most importantly I was surrounded by love.


End file.
